Here I AM!

Here I AM! Standing on the top of a mountain with my arms open wide.  I'm looking the world smack in the danged eyeball and embracing the great, "What if...." in life. Every once in a while an opportunity comes along that puts us in a position mentally to ask "What if..?" or to stay in the same spot we are in and develop a spirit of dread and fear and not move: become afraid.

Tuesday January 25, 2011, I was informed along with 40 other people in our department that we are no longer employed. What is the word they use? Downsized? I think that is it. But, what the word translates into most people's heads, including mine, is you are no longer valued - you are no longer wanted or necessary. So, how do I handle that?  I cried like a little girl. WAIT!  I am a girl. So, it was OK..for a moment to give in and cry. But, ya know what?  I do not believe I am devalued or unnecessary.  I am a Child of God which equates to being very worthy!

By the end of the day, Tuesday, I had discovered something about myself.  I can't stay negative.  I want to, but...I just can't.  Life is life on life's terms and I know life can turn on a dime.  I've had my share of dimes rolling along and I should be used to hearing them roll on the floor - but the truth is, I don't think any of us will ever get used to seeing that dime come our way.  I am saddened by the rolling dime, but I am not negative.

My good friend, Palma and I have a sterling silver heart shaped, box that lives most of the year in a pretty organdy bag that is bejeweled with crystals and satin ribbon. At Christmas, it has become our tradition to put small gifts in the box and give them to each other.  This year, I had the box and I put a moon face pottery piece that I had made into the box. It's just a silly little moon face that speaks volumes of the depth of our friendship. A good and lasting frienship built on trust is an  "I love you to the moon and back frienship". 

When the box came back to me and I opened it - I roared with laughter. In the box, was a roll of dimes. The roll of dimes also speaks volumes of our friendship and what we are not afraid to share in our lives and the trust we've built. I love the gift "to the moon and back!"

Last night I held the roll of dimes and giggled again and I was reminded that I have dear friends who sustain me with laughter and comforting words - or rolls of dimes - when I need it. I'm hoping that if Palma needs to laugh when the dimes roll in her life, she can giggle at the little moon face.  I think she will. No; I know she will.

Here we are, helmet bumping buddies on a motorcycle trip. Palma is the sensible one wearing a good yellow helmet.  I'm the one throwing caution to the wind in a pink brain-buster helmet. They've now been classified as illegal...well, DUH!

I have come to understand that dreading something is akin to being and living in fear. When that epiphany was realized in my brain - it stopped me in my tracks.  I realized I had to change up my thinking.  A spirit or thinking of dread cannot be of God.  It simply isn't something God would have me be in my life - dimes or not! As I held the roll of dimes last night I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that I cannot give in to dread for it keeps me immobilized.  It keeps me in a state of fear and fear and faith cannot exist side-by-side. So, I put it aside and renewed my faith in a God who has never let me down...He's never abandoned me.  Neither has my husband, he has a his quiet strength and a very strong faith in God.  I am blessed to be married to him. Together married for Time and All Eternity, we have the Victory and we will STAND on God's Word. We will be Victorious!

John and I are sitting at the Marine Corps Barracks at 8th and I Street in Washington DC about to watch the Sunset Parade and Drill. It was a perfect day.

So, here I am God.  You haven't brought me this far on the path to drop me on my patoosh.  I know that the dime has rolled and it is up to me to make the best out of it.  I don't know yet what that is, but I know with faith and constant praising Your Tender Mercies, I cannot fail.  I cannot worry about a future that hasn't come or give in to trying to control a situation I did not create.  I can only STAND on the faith that I have and know that God has by back and He will not fail me.  A door slammed and I have faith that You will open a window to the great, "What if...."...and I'm peeking through it. HERE I AM!