Here I AM!

Here I AM! Standing on the top of a mountain with my arms open wide.  I'm looking the world smack in the danged eyeball and embracing the great, "What if...." in life. Every once in a while an opportunity comes along that puts us in a position mentally to ask "What if..?" or to stay in the same spot we are in and develop a spirit of dread and fear and not move: become afraid.

Tuesday January 25, 2011, I was informed along with 40 other people in our department that we are no longer employed. What is the word they use? Downsized? I think that is it. But, what the word translates into most people's heads, including mine, is you are no longer valued - you are no longer wanted or necessary. So, how do I handle that?  I cried like a little girl. WAIT!  I am a girl. So, it was OK..for a moment to give in and cry. But, ya know what?  I do not believe I am devalued or unnecessary.  I am a Child of God which equates to being very worthy!

By the end of the day, Tuesday, I had discovered something about myself.  I can't stay negative.  I want to, but...I just can't.  Life is life on life's terms and I know life can turn on a dime.  I've had my share of dimes rolling along and I should be used to hearing them roll on the floor - but the truth is, I don't think any of us will ever get used to seeing that dime come our way.  I am saddened by the rolling dime, but I am not negative.

My good friend, Palma and I have a sterling silver heart shaped, box that lives most of the year in a pretty organdy bag that is bejeweled with crystals and satin ribbon. At Christmas, it has become our tradition to put small gifts in the box and give them to each other.  This year, I had the box and I put a moon face pottery piece that I had made into the box. It's just a silly little moon face that speaks volumes of the depth of our friendship. A good and lasting frienship built on trust is an  "I love you to the moon and back frienship". 

When the box came back to me and I opened it - I roared with laughter. In the box, was a roll of dimes. The roll of dimes also speaks volumes of our friendship and what we are not afraid to share in our lives and the trust we've built. I love the gift "to the moon and back!"

Last night I held the roll of dimes and giggled again and I was reminded that I have dear friends who sustain me with laughter and comforting words - or rolls of dimes - when I need it. I'm hoping that if Palma needs to laugh when the dimes roll in her life, she can giggle at the little moon face.  I think she will. No; I know she will.

Here we are, helmet bumping buddies on a motorcycle trip. Palma is the sensible one wearing a good yellow helmet.  I'm the one throwing caution to the wind in a pink brain-buster helmet. They've now been classified as illegal...well, DUH!

I have come to understand that dreading something is akin to being and living in fear. When that epiphany was realized in my brain - it stopped me in my tracks.  I realized I had to change up my thinking.  A spirit or thinking of dread cannot be of God.  It simply isn't something God would have me be in my life - dimes or not! As I held the roll of dimes last night I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that I cannot give in to dread for it keeps me immobilized.  It keeps me in a state of fear and fear and faith cannot exist side-by-side. So, I put it aside and renewed my faith in a God who has never let me down...He's never abandoned me.  Neither has my husband, he has a his quiet strength and a very strong faith in God.  I am blessed to be married to him. Together married for Time and All Eternity, we have the Victory and we will STAND on God's Word. We will be Victorious!

John and I are sitting at the Marine Corps Barracks at 8th and I Street in Washington DC about to watch the Sunset Parade and Drill. It was a perfect day.

So, here I am God.  You haven't brought me this far on the path to drop me on my patoosh.  I know that the dime has rolled and it is up to me to make the best out of it.  I don't know yet what that is, but I know with faith and constant praising Your Tender Mercies, I cannot fail.  I cannot worry about a future that hasn't come or give in to trying to control a situation I did not create.  I can only STAND on the faith that I have and know that God has by back and He will not fail me.  A door slammed and I have faith that You will open a window to the great, "What if...."...and I'm peeking through it. HERE I AM!

Try and Tri and Try and Tri...Onward Bucket List!

A friend at work asked me last week why I was compiling a "Bucket List" as I had declared I had planned to live forever. Well, I won't live forever -  at least not on earth. But, while I'm alive I want to know that I have accomplished a few things in my life that I hadn't done before. Some items on the list are a re-visit to good memories; like horse back riding, but most of the items are new.

So, what am I doing toward an item/goal on my BL?  I am training for a Tri-Athalon.  No, no; not a really BIG one.  I may be odd, but I am not nuts (?).  I'm conditioning my brain and body to do a Mini-Tri which is also called a Sprint.  Sprint vary in lengths for each event, but they hover around these distances: Swim - a little over a 1/2 mile; Bike - between 12-13.5 miles; Run 5K (3.2 miles).  I can do this. No doubt.  No doubt? Well, I'd like to think this is more mental than physical, but it is physical - plain and simple.  I have to do the work...imagine that!

I have two coaches for this; both are good friends whom I respect and admire for their athletic accomplishments. Chris, a co-worker, is a runner - marathons to be exact.  He and his wife RUN.  He sets goals, works toward them with a good team of coaches and accomplishes his goals. This past October he and his wife competed in and finished the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington DC.  He is encouraging, helpful and unrelenting.  Just what I need. The same Stephanie who has horses gets two spots on my BL - this time it's as my swimming coach. Stephanie is a certified swim instructor and is the sole reason my granddaughter Lizzi loves to swim. She is exactly what I need to compete in the swim portion. She is darned good! As I think about the laps that must be done - I envision her encouraging smile and words, "Pat, I've seen you swim, you can do this!"

My training schedule began this past week; a very conservative approach - I don't want to incur injuries because I'm stupid in training.  What is my goal? To compete in a Tri-Athalon Sprint in a timed age division. When?  Spring / Summer of 2011. Goal after that?  Keep on keeping on....there is a highly motivated and competitive person waiting to swim, bike and run toward the finish line in the shortest time for my age group.  I can do this...no doubt!

Don't you love Bugs?  Of all the cartoon characters created by Warner Brothers...he's my all time favorite. He reminds me to eat right. What's in the bag? This is how my work out stuff gets to work.

Lucky me!  Our ladies locker room has great lockers.  #18 holds my junk!

...and a shower!  The contraption next to my shower is a health rider.
On off run/bike/swim days, I use this for strenth training.
I can do this....NO DOUBT!



...of Horses and Heroes and Bucket List

Growing up seemed easier with a horses as my escape.  I was a lucky girl to have been able to do that. And, as my life has changed and moved on there is a big part of me that truly misses being around horses.  Anyone who knows me and has taken the time to ask about my life with horses gets either the long or the short version depending on how I feel and how much I choose to share about that part of my life (over 30 years).

My dogs have definitely filled the gap of snuggling up to something other than my husband (which ain't bad!), but I miss the warmth and the smell of a horse.  I know some folk would think me nuts, but there isn't anything in the world that evokes fond memories in my brain more than walking through a horse barn and taking in all the smells-especially on a hot day. To me, there is nothing quite like it.  Is it any wonder that riding a horse is on my bucket list?

My heroes in the sports world are not quarterbacks or pitchers or running backs - they are horses.  There are three that deeply touch my heart. Why?  Because they are magnificent - created by something other than man's ability to manipulate breeding with bloodlines. They have been truly touched by God: Seabiscut, Secretariat and Seattle Slew.

The wonderful Seabiscut who never won The Derby, Preakness or the Belmont Stakes. But, his accomplishments and comeback from insurmountable injury to win again speaks for itself,

"It's not in his feet, Georgie, it's in his heart."

(Red Pollard talking to George, The Iceman, Woolfe in the movie, Seabiscut)
Seabiscut winning the famed match race against Triple Crown winner, War Admiral.

There aren't adverbs in the dictionary to describe Secretariat.  Athlete of the decade...athlete of the century. Under the guidance of owner Penny Cherney Tweedy, trainer Lucien Lauren, groomer, Eddie Sweat, and jockey Ron Turcotte, Secretariat did the impossible in the Belmont Stakes - win by 31 lengths. Can you imagine the pounding hoofs? The blaze of a big red lightening bolt as he made the clubhouse turn and then blew away Sham by 31 lengths!

Ron Turcotte checks over his left shoulder to see where he is as Secretariat, Big Red

does the seemingly impossible!

Stalking his prey, and overcoming adversity to power his way to the Triple Crown was Seattle Slew. The big brown horse affectionatly known as "The Slew" was a firey colt who danced his "War Dance" before getting into the gates and then would kick out at them as well. He proved he was a champion who made no excuses when he was badly bumped coming out of the gate in the Derby and forfited several lenghts while he got himself straightened out and then used his superior power and strength to bull his way into the lead and win!

I have no illusions of being able to ride a horse for any length of time or duration.  I've accepted that as I've gotten older, there are things I need to leave behind and the injuries I have sustained in both horse and car accidents preclude me from being a serious rider again. But, I am so grateful to be able to fulfill another Bucket List item with the help of my friend, Stephanie who will take me trail riding on one of her horses.  I hope it's a hot day when the horses perfume brings back those beautiful memories. I can hardly wait!

Zombies and Wizards, Funny Dad and Uncle Jeff...O My!

When I was 7 years old I played "Hide the Button" with my Swedish Grandmother, Sigrid,  and older brother Mike, who was 9.  After we successfully found the button and Grandmother was tired of the game, we went into the kitchen and sat at the red wooden nook and drank hot chocolate.  OK...nostalgia is well, nostalgia and I don't sit around wishing for the "good old days" when there is so much to embrace in the NOW.

That being said, our home was invaded by the new wave of Saturday games with Grandma: Zombies and Magic.  Oh, we play Life, Battleship, Sorry and Clue as well, but the really COOL games are ones where the players can pit their wits against evil Wizards and Zombies. The bonus in these games is that dad (Tyler) and the best uncle in the world, Uncle Jeff, will play. They give no quarter to the kids....it's get in, learn, and play.  Note: Eli age 7 won!

 Magic: The game begins as Tyler plays a card, Eli looks on and Uncle Jeff contemplates his move.

 Funny dad, Tyler, has the evil Wizard cards and is ready to pounce!

 Alas, Eli has the winning card to abolish the Evil Wizard!

 Lizzy has a card that will vanquish the Zombies!

 The game:  try to get to the helicopter before the Zombies eat you.  Not quite like hiding the button!

Uh, Oh!  Maybe hiding the button is a better idea.  Nah!

Evil Wizards vanquished and Zombies obliterated, we end the evening with ice cream and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Maybe when Lizzy and Eli are older they will recollect Saturday night game night with the same fond memories I have of my Grandmother. Although we don't have a red nook, we have a really cool, but funky, table in the kitchen where crumbs dropped on the floor just don't matter!

Of Guns and Camo

John and Jeff trying the Chocolate survival pellets.  I ate one, too...not bad-not good-just not bad.

  

Amongst a sea of men in camo, I spent the morning with two of my favorite men-my husband, John and oldest son, Jeff at the Portland Gun and Knife show.  Don't ask why.  It's not like me to surround myself with survivalists and a sea of tables loaded with all things gun, ammo and knives. But, there I was having fun looking at guns and picking out the ones we felt would scare away the Boogie Man as well as defend the perimiter in WW3. Not so sure I'd go again; but a one time shot (sic) is alright. 

Lizzi's Great Adventure

Elizabeth Suzanne, aka-Lizzi, is my amazing 9 year old granddaughter.  She is interested in a myriad of things and none of them are dolls or traditional little girlie things. For this, I AM A GRATEFUL Grandma Pat.  Oh, if she liked all things "girlie" she and I would still have the relationship we have - it would just need tweaking.  Lizzi is an exquisite girl of infinitley good taste for she has a liking for all things camoflauge, Zombies, swords, Kung Fu, all things dog, barn, and the great outdoors. She tickles my heart with her stories of princesses who get eaten by a frog, not masquerading as a handsome prince, but as an evil alien. She delights me with pictures she draws of frogs eating flies as well as Rupenzel who has tricked the silly prince into climbing up her hair only to watch him fall after she takes off her wig of long hair!  She tells me ghost stories which she crosses her heart and hopes to die that they are the absolute truth!

Lizzi donned grubby clothes, and announced she wanted an adventure in our woods with her dad.  Her dad wanted to watch football in a warm house. But, being the great dad that he is, he and Lizzi went on a trapsing adventure of our woods.

To me, Lizzi embodies all that life has to offer. She is not jaded by the world, nor does she think she can't do something.  She is, as all 9 year old girls should be, full of life and the expectations that the world is hers and hers alone to explore. When I look at Lizzi and listen to her mind, I see a very small version of myself who long ago stood on the top of a hill, beat on my chest, spread my wings and flew.  And one day, before I realized time had gone by too fast, I landed on earth.  But for now, Lizzi can spread her wings of thought, reach for the sky and fly to the moon and back...you go, girl; FLY!