rolling...rolling keep those dimes a rolling....

My life continues to roll with the punches that life throws my way.  After all, it is the only thing I can do under the circumstances. Giving up is not an option.

John and I spent a week at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston last week, where he underwent another cancerous tumor removal. Sigh.

I wish I could say it was an overwhelming positive experience; but how can I...REALLY?

Cancer is big business. For those of you whom the "darkness" had touched, let me tell you, don't mess around...go to MD Anderson if at all possible.  The place is like a small city with over 213 buildings spread over 1300 acres and employing over 20,000 people.  Jeesh...it's huge.

Can you be happy in a hospital filled with people going through or ending various stages of different cancers?  I think you can.  However, I was not one of them.  I'm being real and honest, here.

It was an overwhelming experience to be touched by MD Anderson.  Most of the employed are happy and upbeat, which helped when I felt like a lost rat in the maze of life.  People stepped forward, showed me that I wasn't lost and directed me to the correct elevator for where I needed to be. The food was tolerable. The overall building was cold and one day my elevator - elevator E to the 11th floor, did not work. Fortunately, the tower is equipped with a secondary elevator for staff and transporting patients.  Eleven floors would have not made a happy Pat.

John's second tumor was wrapped around his carotid artery, but was removed successfully.  He is on observation...cancer free.  However, this does not include findings of anything smaller than they can see using various magnifying loops. For my husband...I wanted the Hubble...deep space looking.  I got the surgeon's loop.

The care John received was phenomenal. His team of folk rose to the occasion giving instructions, information for after care and prognosis of care which includes speech pathology where John can learn to talk again. This was and is exciting.

We left a week later feeling confident that John would not only heal, but would have a quality of life touching on normal.  We know he is not out of the cancer forest yet as the surgeons have agreed he will need either or both radiation and chemo after he heels.  It's a nasty cancer bug...duh!

What is my take on this, the latest chapter?  It still sux. I cannot kid you and tell you I am fine with all of this, for I am not. But what I am is this:  undaunted and resolute.

I am undaunted by the mass of information and processes we need to ingest.  I am undaunted by the nagging fear in the back of my head (which sometimes moves to center stage). I am undaunted in the energy I need to dig up from a weary me.  I just gotta plow through.

I am resolute to continue to talk to my Higher Power, God. I am resolute to not lay blame or be angry for more than the time it takes me to say, "Hi God, me again...need a little help, here." I am resolute to love my husband no matter frickin' what comes down the path.  I am resolute to continue my mantra of:  I am Strong, I am Brave and I am Courageous! But, most of all, I want to read and say out loud the Serenity Prayer, that I now wear around my neck, every day with the conviction to say, God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.

life just happened...and right now it is crap

I don't know how or why life happens the way it does, but when whatever IT is happens, it disrupts. This time, when it happened, IT came crashing down like so many tons of bad baggage.  You know...the crap we carry around with us. But, it wasn't my baggage.  It was my husband's, John.

Let me begin at what I think is the beginning.  My husband, John, spent 21 years in the Marine Corps before retiring. During the time he was in the Marines, he was in Vietnam with a whole bunch of young men (and women - nurses). Our government was so wise in trying to figure out how to rout the N. Vietnamese out of the bushes, that they dumped Agent Orange all over the jungle in hopes of defoliating it and hence..finding the enemy easier. Well, Agent Orange got dumped on people as well as trees and bushes. The effects of Agent Orange were disputed by the US Government. WHY?Well, we lost the war. Thousands of Vets returned and the government did not acknowledge their symptoms as a result of Agent Orange.

Fast forward spring 2015.  John's voice began to deteriorate and after consulting a doctor, it was determined that he had throat cancer. A strange type of cancer - aggressive - resistant to normal treatments. He tippy-toed around the obvious and finally said, this type of cancer is directly related to Agent Orange. The doctor opted for radiation and all was good for about three months and the voice deteriorated again. This time, the tumor had grown back to a stage 3 tumor that had to be surgically removed.  Ooohrah...

October 19, 2015, the surgeon removed the tumor as well as John's voice box, surrounding lymph and having only found 1 little, bitty lymph with cancer (which was removed), pronounced John clear.

The recovery was brutal and frustrating as John can no longer speak. He's a good speller - so he writes. We told ourselves, this is little price to pay for his declaration of cancer free.

John started chemo this past Wednesday almost three months to the day he was pronounced free of cancer. This sux.

The new tumor, it seems was a nodule on a scan...nothing to worry about...thought the surgeon. And besides, this type of cancer doesn't jump around...so, the nodule couldn't be cancer, right?

We sat in the doctor's office with our faces like stone.  In fact, I wanted to become a stone and hurl myself at the doctor and his soft voice saying he hated to give us this news.  I went where angels fear to tread and I simply asked, "How could you miss this?"

I have declined to talk to anyone who wants to call this shit, a journey or a challenge.  I refuse to talk to people without looking at them like they are ignorant and completely delusional who believe that God has put John's feet on this path? SAY WHAT?

My belief in God, my Higher Power, does not believe that God orchestrates all of our moves and then waits to see what we do.  EEGADS...

If I believed in THAT kind of God, I would believe, then, that none of the choices I have made have anything to do with my brain. THAT kind of God sits where ever he/she sits and moves us from chessboard square to chessboard square according to his whim. The Mythological Gods, like Zeus, did that.  Nope.  I don't buy it at all.

My God allows me the dignity to think and make my own choices to take whatever path is laid before me.  His hand is always there for me to reach out and hold, but I do not for one itty, bitty nano second believe he chooses our paths. For if I believed that, I would have to ask him/her why he gives people paths that cause pain, suffering and death. A common question thought by those who are agnostic and atheist. I am neither.

I fully believe that God gave us brains to make decisions. What we do with those decisions and how we react in the situations define us as human beings and allow us to ask God for direction. And once through the situation, we can give our thanks and gratitude to him for never abandoning us.

The Life is life on Life's terms mantra, does not diminish my faith or my trust in my Higher Power, my God.  It allows me to be real about God, not get burned out on a God who may choose to set my feet on paths that are crap. I reject that God and embrace the God who never said their wouldn't be dark valleys, but that he would always be there walking along side of us...waiting for the call.

A puppy named Belton

We have decided it's been enough time since Jazzy passed to introduce a new dog to Marley.  Life as I know it is about to change with the addition of a new dog. I think I'm up to this.

Belton is a parti-colored Standard Poodle - 5 months old. Pretty boy!

We will bring him home the first of September. Right now, I am re-learning puppy nutrition, crate training and trying to figure out how not to traumatize him or Marley as well as potty training. I'll keep you posted on how all of that works when he comes home to Odessa from Arkansas.

Shot Down in a Blaze of Glory.....

It was pouring down rain...I mean a real gusher of rain.  John and Eli were suppose to hop on the Spyder and ride it to Capitan, Lincoln and then into Odessa, but plans changed when they were both wet in 5 minutes. Eli got into the car with Lizzy and me, and John got grumpy..real fast. After I pointed out the fact that he knew it was going to rain and didn't pack accordingly....he hunkered down. The rain didn't last long.

1st stop was the home of  Smokey The Bear in Capitan, NM.  I'd been here before, but loved seeing it through the kids eyes. I mean, who doesn't love Smokey The Bear?

 Smokey's final resting place Inside the beautiful Smokey The Bear Historical Park

The sun was out...John dried out and we headed up the road just a few miles to Lincoln County, NM. This is the sight of the historical Lincoln County Wars where Billy The Kid was part of the problem or solution depending on which history you want to believe. Anyway...always fun to learn more about the American West and a folk lore legend...

Old Lincoln County Courthouse.  It's been restored and is full of many interesting facts which include a time line of events.

Not far from home, now....I can smell the dirt.  After lunch in Carlsbad...we rolled the back roads into Seminole, hit Andrews - where John stopped at Cpl. Rays for coffee and we pushed on to Odessa, TX The end of our journey...an epic trip, for sure.

Heading for Texas...or where am I today?

After so many days riding Dolly and being adventuresome, Lizzy and I turned the bike toward the East out of Camp Verde and headed for Springerville, NM where we stayed one night before mushing into Ruidoso, NM where we will hook up with hubby and Eli.

The weather is gorgeous, finally not too blazing hot as we left Camp Verde and headed for our first stop in Pine, AZ on Highway 260 East. That was a pretty road.  I'd do that road again in a heart beat.  Plenty of wide open areas with a few sweeps and twisties thrown in for fun. We fueled and got fresh water in Pine and then ventured forth toward Springerville, NM.  The road was great...not too much traffic and plenty of beautiful mountains to see...with green trees!

Springerville found us at a nice motel right off the main road with a great little cafe right next door.
The free breakfast was pretty good and while eating, I started a conversation with a couple who were from South Africa and Rhodesia. After telling them about Lizzy's interest in foreign languages and cultures, they said they would love to meet her.  It was very cool to see Lizzy being talked to in Zulu and in Africanz.  Lizzy was pretty impressed and added those to languages to her journal of languages and cultures that she has now met and heard.

We headed to Ruidoso, NM with the end in sight..well after a 327 mile trip, that is.  This was the long stretch at the end of the trip, but we just had hunker down and do it.

Pie Town was interesting...nothing there except two pie shops and a small gift store.  We went into the gift shop, bought some small items and visited with the owners before having a piece of pie at the Pio-Neer.  I had peach with raspberry.  It was, by my pie standards, just OK.  Off we go to San Antonio, NM where we picked up Highway 380.  HOT!  HOT!  HOT. The store attendant where we fueled said the freeway entrance to Highway 380 was closed and gave us directions to go around. Well....the directions may have worked at one time, but 15 minutes later the road ended in a dead end and we had to turn around and go back...it's HOT!!  Turns out, the entrance was not closed and we scooted onto Highway 380 toward our destination of Ruidoso, NM.

Stars and Stones....as we wind into Ruidoso it was raining.  Not hard...but definitely rain. We are dirty, tired and hungry...pizza room service!

Eli and John arrived around 9:30...warmed up pizza, took showers, watched a little TV...we all crashed! We head for Billy the Kid trail and home of Smokey The Bear tomorrow before arriving at home.  Last night on the road.

Grand Canyon Ride - The Zip Line or how I thought I would die!

So...OK....Zip Line.  I am a woman of my word, unfortunately in this case.  I signed Lizzy and I up for a 2 hour zip line tour at Out of Africa Wildlife Park in Camp Verde, AZ. The name of the zip line is the Predator. But, let's back up before I share my terror with you.  Leaving Sedona.

Sedona is a city that I really don't care to go back to unless I'm in a car. Then, I'd like to poke my nose around in the touristy little shops and spend money on things that when I get them home, I wonder why I bought them.

Camp Verde is only 32 miles from Sedona...piece of cake.  I ask Google to give me directions and it does. The map shows a nice road off the freeway so we decide to take it.  We launch without breakfast...we'll get something on the way out of Sedona as our check in time at the zip is 9:00am.
Reverse is still twitchy and I found that I had put Dolly in a position where I couldn't make a big old circle to turn. We are at a gas station fueling and eating donuts and I spy two hunky dudes whom I recruit to turn it around. Once turned...we were off in search of the back road into Camp Verde, AZ.

What we found was a pretty road with overhanging trees and a dead end. Google promptly told me to turn around. Well, DUH!!!! After turning around in the middle of a forest road with a big old sign that says..DEAD END, we headed back the way we came and got on the freeway, took the correct exit and found our way to the park.  Phew...we are ahead of 9:00am. Sweet!  NOT!  The guys didn't show up until 9:45 as we sat around in the hot morning sun.  OK..they show up.

After a safety briefing and fitting of our harness, we followed our two guides to the wooden stairs that switch backed all the way up 120 feet.  Needless to say, I was the last one up to the launching pad..well, one of the guides was behind me.  OK...my fear is evident on so many levels that my brain is in overload.  if the stairs were any indication of what was ahead....

Awrighty then....the platform is fenced on three sides. Sitting close to the edge of the open launch side is a big, sturdy wooden box, which, I am told is where we launch.  From the moment I reach the platform, I begin to shake and I can't let go of the guide who followed me up the stairs. I will saylet like I was going to fall from the platform..the safety was never a concern as we were always hooked onto at least two points of cable or the platform at the same time. that wasn't the fearful part for me. Plain and simple...it's stepping off the launch box into thin air that scared me to tears.  OK..my turn to go.

I make sure the guide goes over the procedure one more...no...two...no..three more times.  I shake like a quaking Maple tree as I stepped onto the launch box...never letting go of the guide.  I sat down into the harness and told him to push......

I didn't die...I didn't fall off the cable and most importantly...I didn't puke.

After three lines, we came to a rope bridge that was 40' long. WHAT????? After three zip lines, I was feeling pretty good ...I never warmed up to the platform, but the launching from the box, did not bother me after three zips...then comes the rope bridge...my fears elevate off the chart!

They made me go first.  OK...I'll go, but by my controlling rules:  Guide goes in front of me...no wigging....takes baby steps...I hold on to guide with left hand and the rope bridge with my right hand...I get to curse.... I didn't die...I thought I would, but I didn't. Phew!  Two more lines to go and by the time, it was over, my body was stressed, I couldn't talk, barely could walk.  My endorphines had maxed out and all I wanted to do was piddle.

Lizzy loved every minute of it. Every daredevilish thrill...upside down....et, al...she loved it. Does that fact make my fearful experience any better?  NO. But, I am happy for her. Will I ever do it again? NO.  I can embrace what I don't like and I am fine with that!

We've turned the corner...time to head for home.....

...off the Canyon and seriously stupid in Sedona..

Up and off early. I wanted to get through the desert before it heated up.  We made really good time on Dolly but ran into three road construction crews that added three different wait times of over 30 minutes each..in the desert..in the sun at 106'.

We stopped at Cameron Trading Post for lunch...a grateful meal..and then headed out to what would become another bad idea in the history of bad ideas...file this in the Cosmos.

I surprised Lizzy while we were eating at Cameron's that we would side trip to Sedona before going to Camp Verde for the night and see Jurassic World! Needless to say she was ecstatic. Piece of cake getting to Sedona. .right....

More road work..exits that are closed.. detours. Long waits in heat. My body is starting to feel stressed and all of a sudden we are on the road leading into Sedona and it is winding with hair pin curves and non existent guard rails.  My back hurts and my arms ache when we finally get off the mountain.  No. .I did not look at the red cliffs. .I was to busy trying not to fall of one of those red cliffs and fly off into the abyss.

I told Lizzy I couldn't  make it to Camp Verde and we would stay in Sedona.  No vacancy signs everywhere except for 1 room at the Star Motel.  The manager was so helpful. .gave me a glass of lemon water..had me sit down and helped carry our stuff off Dolly.

After cancelling the Camp Verde hotel..a rest and a shower, we got directions for the movie theater. Enter the bad idea for the Cosmos.  Well..diverting to Sedona was one, too.  I forgot to ask which way out of motel ..left or right. I went Right which was wrong.

Say WHAT???

We went for a long way until I felt it was all wrong and stopped for directions..gotem..here we go. It was then that I realized how spread out Sedona is..we found the theater..got our tickets and went into auditorium #2..the movie was almost over...WHAT? I was informed we were an hour early. ..somewhere we had gone through a time zone change. After waiting  almost an hour in the lobby..the  movie started and Lizzy and I were wowed all over again. It's now 7:01 pm and we head out for the motel and I go the wrong way on the road....totally turned around..I don't know where we are. I turn around and go the other way but that doesn't feel right either. Seriously tired and very disoriented (it's the Aliens)..I feel a good cry coming  on when I see a Police sign and pull into the wrong driveway...that gets fixed..the Police helped..but here is the kicker...I couldn't tell them the name of the motel..because I didn't know it. The room key didn't give the name and all my check in paper work was in our room. Idiot check. The Officer got me to the  tourist trap area and that was good enough..Lizzy spotted it and we were back..with absolutely little help from me. After walking a block and having a good Dinner..we crashed...directions only get worse in the morning....